These days the passing of time is palpable. On the eve of Easter, I found myself snuggled up next to Craig on the sofa waiting for Kayla to fall asleep, sharing a glass of wine. I told him that as odd as it may sound, hiding eggs around the house and making a few special things was important to me now more than ever because I can feel the silent countdown.
It’s only so long until the magic spell is broken. Forever. At age 7, Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny are all on borrowed time.
I slept out on the sofa that night because Blake was sick and I figured he would wake up multiple times that night. He didn’t, but I did hear two small feet creep out to the living room at 2am, run back down the hallway and then return with a flashlight.
Through one squinted eye and the cover of blankets and darkness, I watched Kayla carefully shine her Tinkerbell flashlight, a relic from preschool examining the treasures left by the infamous bunny. Like a cat burglar in her own home.
After comparing her loot to that left in Blake’s basket (siblings!) the light traced zig zagging paths across the room revealing some of the clever hiding places Craig and I had found for about 50 eggs.
I soaked in the moment and mentally filed it away, wishing Craig was back on that sofa beside me to experience it too.
This may very well have been the last time that Kayla wakes up wondering if the mythical bunny has found a way into our home. For me, making the magic behind the curtain has always been a big part of the joy of motherhood. The realization that we now have a child potentially old enough to be a non-believer is jarring. Jarring, but also exciting I guess. New stages ahead.
I was recently at a baby shower where we were asked to give one piece of advice to the new first time mom to be. My piece of “advice” (finger quotes y’all because I hate giving parenting advice) was that there are no experts in this game of parenting.
Whether you’re on your first child or five deep we’re all kind of winging it. Wondering if we’re doing it right, questioning our intuition, living for the magical moments, crying through the really hard ones and loving these little people in a way you can’t quite explain, you can only experience.
For now, I’m going to cling to the magic, embrace it and appreciate it as much as possible. And the more I think about it, my sadness at the thought of leaving these years behind makes way for excitement of the years to come, where Kayla might just get promoted to elf status and get a taste of the magic from the other side.