You know what’s the strangest thing about this cancer journey? It’s the least stressed I have been in years.
Yes, I realize that sounds absolutely nuts, but it’s true! For the first time in years I have been forced to make myself a priority. And I don’t mean getting 20 minutes a week to try to shower in peace. I mean actually making a conscious decision to not get stressed over trying to do ALL the things.
When you are faced with something so big that is out of your control, it gives you the perspective to understand what you can control.
To recognize that I have to make my health a priority and that means not pushing myself to the limit with work. Understanding that I’m not going to volunteer for everything or be able to make dinner every night. Signing Kayla up for the camp that’s 5 minutes from home instead of the one that is a 30 minute drive each way. And most importantly realizing that is okay. To feel minimal guilt and not to sweat the small things.
By giving myself a little bit of leeway, I immediately noticed I was happier. The part of me that truly enjoyed doing the small things, cooking dinner and surprising my kids with random cardboard creations came back. Fun mom came out of hibernation. It wasn’t to be Pinterest perfect. It was simply to get the joy out of doing things for the people I love the most.
The other day Kayla and Blake came home to a hand written sign on the door from the garage declaring “It’s movie night! and a big cardboard box turned into a drive in movie car for them to sit in. Craig picked up a RedBox movie on his way home, we popped some popcorn and both Craig and I got the joy of watching our two tiny people snuggled up in their box together watching Finding Dory. Charger even joined in to block the TV and eat a stuffed animal that didn’t belong to him. It was a true family movie night.
All it took was a big box from some new sheets I had recently ordered. The paper license plate read “MOVNHT” and the headlights were plastic lids from I don’t even remember what. That was it. It probably took me 10 minutes to make and they were some of my favorite minutes of the day. Enjoying the small stuff and refusing to sweat the other small stuff. Amazing how that tiny switch in perspective can change so much.